Witt: An alien’s assessment of Earth

Published 10:09 am Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Author’s note: This column was printed in August 2010. Perhaps the message is even more pertinent today.

Message home from an alien visiting Earth (translated into English):

I have concluded any further visits to this planet would be fruitless and would not provide any useful information to us.

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It is a fortunate thing I am invisible as my presence among the human inhabitants here would undoubtedly evoke hysterical responses.

These humans are a totally superstitious people and believe in the most ridiculous scenarios relating to circumstances driven completely by natural causes. They call these scenarios ghosts or paranormal effects or other such nonsense.

Over this entire planet, the human species resorts to thousands of different languages instead of just one. It’s hardly surprising they are unable to get along with one another since these language differences make it virtually impossible to impart ideas clearly to one another.

Their entire history (which is only a couple of million years old) is replete with what they call “war.” It might be somewhat understandable for any species to occasionally war with another species, but these humans war among themselves, often for the most trivial reasons.

Over the centuries, millions have been lost in these escapades.

Humans consider themselves the highest order of animals here and yet, even though they appear to be the only species with the ability to reason, they commit the most senseless acts which decimate other species and destroy their own environment.

They not only kill other species and consume their flesh, they also often kill these other species simply for the thrill of doing so. Killing seems to be the normal mode of behavior here, to the exclusion of everything else.

But they don’t stop there.

They also destroy plant life with abandon and are rapidly killing off whole families of plants which could eventually provide cures for diseases, additional means of sustenance or means of controlling pests.

Even more serious than the willingness of humans to destroy other species and their own is their propensity to contaminate the air and water which sustains their own existence.

One thing that is certain is any future visit by us would be dangerous since the environment here, before long, will be unable to support us … or them.

Humans consistently trade in a form they call “money,” instead of simple barter, and the types of this commodity are so varied they beggar classification.

The entire planet is divided into areas called “countries” and virtually every country has its own type of money, which complicates the simple act of trade. And the people are constantly fighting over this money, even though it is made of paper or common metals. They even use this money as another reason to kill one another.

It’s a good thing all the non-human species don’t have money or the destruction here would be a thousand times greater than it already is.

Then there is the issue of “religion.” There are almost as many religions as there are languages. And the odd thing about these religions is they all profess to worship a higher being who is benign and peaceful and benevolent. And yet humans are constantly warring over these very religions because they cannot agree on which is true and which is not, and this seems to have been going on almost since humans first populated the planet.

All in all, this is a most strange planet.

If there are plans currently afoot to send additional envoys here, I encourage you to curtail, or at least postpone, those plans.

It’s possible in a few millennia these humans will arrive at a point in their evolution where they can live in peace with themselves and all the other species here (should they actually survive as a species that long), but for the time being, this is too dangerous a place for even a short vacation.

Be home soon.

Chuck Witt is a retired architect and a lifelong resident of Winchester. He can be reached at chuck740@bellsouth.net.