BRODY: A tale of two bratty brothers

I just knew it. I just knew these two kids would sit by me on the plane, and sure enough, they plopped down in the front seat just above mine.

Saying that they actually sat there was a stretch, because they didn’t even sit. There was Mark, probably 6 or so, and then his brother, Mitch.

They made me believe in demons in human form for more than four solid hours.

Mitch made their mother whine.

“Please sit down, Mitchy.”

“Mitchy, Mommy will give you a treat if you take your seat.”

“No, Mitch, you must not throw your chewing gum at the nice lady.”

“Now look what you did. The seat is soaked. Why did you dump Sprite all over your brother?”

He never sat down. He never stopped jumping up and down on the seat. He never kept his gum in his mouth or his Sprite in his glass.

While Mark poked and pinched his mother, she bribed him, but he did not mind.

At one point, I was so nervous with it all I got out my ever-present jellybeans to eat. He spied them, draped his grimly little body over the back of the seat and commanded, “Give me those,” in a rough voice.

I held out four to him. He popped a black one in his mouth at which point he slid his hand out of his mouth towards me like a grease ball.

I could not believe it, and I can tell you that I wanted to tell him just what he could do with the other three jellybeans, but the poor frazzled mother grabbed him bodily and I thought, “Finally.”

She cradled him in her arms and said, “Here, let me read you a story.”

I didn’t care what she did with him just so long as she removed him from my sight. But the story idea didn’t work because he kicked the book with his foot sending it spiraling into the air.

I just wanted to say, “No, lady, I don’t know how it is and if my kids ever behaved like your Mitchy is behaving I would make sure they never left home again.”

I did not have the heart. I thought she was pathetic.

In other words, not matter what he did I was sympathetic. Just about that time, the pilot came on the intercom to say, “Please fasten all seat belts. We will be landing shortly.”

I looked at Mitch. The Mom said, “Now, Mitch, the nice pilot says you have to sit and fasten your seatbelt or the plane won’t land.”

But do you think that kid behaved?

Then she said, “Now, here comes the mean stewardess.” I swear she said that. “Hurry up or she will hit you. Buckle up!”

He took off like a bullet to the restroom and locked the door from the inside.

The mother came down the aisle and started leaning on the door.

“Come out this minute!” The mother yelled.

Right behind her, the stewardess is really mad.

“We cannot land this plane when people are running up and down the aisle. You must return to all of your seats!” she said.

Finally, the kid came out, at which point one of the stewardesses grabbed one of his hands and another stewardess grabbed the other hand and together they marched him roughly back to his seat. The mother followed them. They shoved that kid in his seat and pushed him soundly in.

They finally got Mitchy buckled in.

Amazingly, that kid reached down and unbuckled the belt. The mother held him down but was very scared. Everybody was scared of that little boy.

Something just snapped in my brain and I leaned over the back of the seat and said, “Frankly, Mitchy, if you were my kid, I would have flushed you down the toilet while you were in that restroom.”

Everyone nodded in silent agreement and the mother, poor soul, closed her eyes in surrender and stared me down and then said, “Please give me those jellybeans.”

I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving that he did not belong to me.

The view from the mountain is wondrous.

Jean Brody is a passionate animal lover and mother. She previously lived in Winchester, but now resides in Littleton, Colorado. Her column has appeared in The Sun for more than 25 years.