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By Jack Godbey

Columnist

It seems that I depend on my smartphone entirely too much. This was evident when I was driving recently and the GPS that I was depending on blinked a few times and then disappeared faster than a bowl of gravy at Cracker Barrel. After a quick examination, it seems that the phone’s battery died. It’s funny that with all that phones capabilities thinking that it knows everything, it was taken down by one faulty charging cord. I guess the phone isn’t the smarty pants it thought it is. I felt very lost as if I was Gilligan marooned on an island. I began taking a mental inventory of any food that I might have stashed in the car in case I never find my way home again.

There I was, forced to navigate with no direction. I pictured myself stranded and forced to eat French fries from under the seat to survive. I had a map in the glove box, but I’ve never been able to read one. I think they taught map reading at school the same day the circus came to town. I had to choose between the two, and Bozo the Clown always wins. It was then that I realized that I got along just fine before I ever heard of GPS. I was able to follow the road signs and I reached my destination with no problem. I thought how beneficial it would be if we had road signs to follow in our personal lives that would help us navigate the twists and turns of dealing with people.

If people had the appropriate road sign on their back letting me know something about dealing with them it would be so much better. For example, If my co-worker wore a sign that said, under construction then I would know they were going through some personal issues. If I had known, maybe I wouldn’t have eaten her lunch out of the break room Fridge. I was outside trimming my hedges last week and I accidentally made eye contact with my neighbor and I was obligated to ask how they were doing although I really didn’t care. If he had a sign that said Danger Toxic, I could have avoided that conversation about politics. That’s 30 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

I have often wondered whose idea it was to make bath tubs out of material that becomes so slippery that I take my life in my hands every time I take a bath. I came in the house recently after doing yard work and I looked like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown, so I jumped in the shower. Right about the time I had my face all soapy, I began to slip and as I tried to regain my balance, my arms and legs were flinging around and I looked like I was dancing like M.C. Hammer. I didn’t know my body knew how to move like that but I finally gained my balance without falling. A slippery when wet sign would have been great in this situation.

Imagine how great those road signs would be for men when we do something stupid to peeve off our wives. When she’s had a hard day. we may avoid saying something stupid if we had a road sign that says, may be icy, rough road ahead. Think about how beneficial it would be if we could see a stop sign before we decided that raising the toilet seat to pee was just too much trouble. Not that I would know anything about that.